Oozing

Oops. I sure did take a long blog break. Nothing new I guess. Just the same clarity that I am running on absolute fear that is very deeply rooted. Fear of pain at the root. Ive heard of experiments where an animal is shocked when eating enough times that it gives up an starves itself. I dont know if thats true but it helps me undersand why knowing about fear and how it is manifesting in my life does not mean I can stop it from being present. You will suggest that I have faith which is the ooposite of fear but its not that easy. Im very aware that my fear of pain also applies to God and to letting go. Im actually convinced that choosing to have faith in God will bring even greater pain. Like Jesus right? Anyway Im not discouraged. I do have this feeing like I could be on the verge of a break through. But until then I shall have to be happy ust seeing my fear and feeling like Im walking around with a big open wound with fear oozing out and not being able to hide it.