Why do I hold on to the idea that someday we will make each other happy again? Just because at one point it was inconcievable to think we would ever be apart. Just because we made each other so happy for so long. Maybe I just dont want to go through the process of leaving. Such a long daunting task to get emotionally, physically, and financially separated. And then there the kids. Oi vey.
I dont even see the girl I married in her anymore. Maybe I was blinded by love. I dont think so.
Am I still so angry about her stupid "emotional" affair with the lesbian that Im not able to let her back in? I dont think so.
If I had to guess I would just say that she has been in the dark for a few years because of workaholism and drug addiction and depression that shes just a hot mess. I guess Im just waiting to see what she looks like on the other side. Shes eventualy gonna get busy livin or get busy dyin.
Tuesday, April 14, 2009
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1 comments:
I remember those feelings. For me, the fear that my marriage would fail--and he would never get sober --wreaked havoc on my mind and body. I couldn't envision that everything wouldnt work out my way. My sponsor always told me, "you dont have to make any decisions today" and it kept me going, and kept me in the day itself.
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