Star Wars 4

Ive been coming to the conclusion that of myself I am powerless over my character defects. I can point to 6 out of the 7 deadly sins where I have concrete examples of things that I do that I believe make my life worse and yet can not will them out of my life. The AA book talks about attacking them on the flank. I think I get that now. Instead of attacking my defects I could just try to be concous of what God might want me to do and try to think about how I can be of service. Thats maybe what they are talking about when they say God conciousness or concious contact. Not that I will walk around ike Julie Andrews with Blue Birds landing on my shoulder and the clouds parting for me. Having said all of that I must say I feel very overwhelmed with the idea of trying to do as God would have me do because Ive reached this point before maybe with not as much clarity or surrender regarding my defects and I always lose my willingness or momentum even though I always bring me much peace. So maybe this clear realization of my lack of power will bring me from boyhood to manhood in the sense that the 12 and 12 talks about it in the 6th step. Or maybe its jus another cycle through the solution and back then to self will. I have a start though. I passed up a planned activity yesterday that was simply self indulgent in order to try a find a more meaningful and spiritual way to spend my evening. Maybe today I will get some divine relief from my shortcomings. Or maybe it will take more time and effort for God to remove my defects as He finds it useful.